Continuing in the series of absurd Heavy Metal ploys, I think it's time to look at a facet of metal that simply is too much for the psyche to absorb. Yep, like a really bad beginning to a joke, it's time to explore the mixed-up/mashed-up world of metal head rockers and bassoon players (OK, OK, OK ... I've got one ... A 1980s metal shredding hair gob who plays guitar for Metal Church walks into a bar and sits down next to a violin player from the London Philharmonic ...).Metallica. Led Zepppelin. Deep Purple. The Scorpions.
I'm sure that's what cellist Yo-Yo Ma and violinist Boris Garlitsky were thinking while honing their delicate classical crafts: "I sure hope I can back up Motley Crue playing Dr. Feelgood some day."
I guess it must be simple, cold, hard truth: orchestral musicians can probably make a year's wage in two concerts with a shitty metal band playing the most mundane and simple music of their lives. Power chords on the viola.
There they sit: gray-haired, formally attired, perfect posture, sheet music in place ... while some spandex-wearing heroin addict wails away on his distorted guitar, sweating and acting like playing four power chords is hard work. Most of these guys don't belong anywhere near a kindergarten music class puttering through London Bridge on claves and huge xylophones, let alone anything called a philharmonic.
Irony.
Well, at least the metal fans get their fancy learning for the day when someone's agent talks these folks into selling their musical souls for quick bucks. That, and the metal whores who hang around backstage, of course.
Here are a few examples. Note the bands usually play too loud to even hear the orchestra behind them. Enjoy the fact that not one of them can read a single note nor understands a bit of musical theory while people behind them who can and do toil for a cheap parlor trick.
Vladimir Jurowski takes the podium. Taps twice. Instruments up. Thrash!
